Before you had an abortion, you may have read a list of possible side effects. You might even have heard another woman’s testimony about how abortion wounded them and affected their life. The heartbreaking truth is, however, that you can’t really know what it means to have an abortion wounded heart until you experience the pain, firsthand.
How do we let abortion wound our hearts?
Rationalization – When faced with really difficult and scary circumstances its natural to latch onto what seems like the quickest way out of the crisis. When we rationalize like this, we also block our emotions from getting involved. I just have to do what I have to do. In scripture, this is called hardening the heart. Once we harden our heart and block our emotions, we are capable of doing things that we would have never though was possible before, like abortion.
What happens after abortion wounds our hearts?
- Denial – The emotional disconnect of rationalization sets into motion a coping mechanism called denial. When we employ denial, it helps us live with the decision we made. Eventually, however, we discover that denial really only shields are conscience from a deeper, more painful reality in our souls.
- Secrecy – After an abortion, we find a place in ourselves to hide or bury the memory of our pregnancy, our child, and our abortion. It takes so much energy to keep this hidden. Though it may feel safe to hide the truth, we can’t be free as long as we are living in secrecy.
- Shame – Shame after an abortion can change who we are. We may shrink away from life, or we may exert a false self-determination that exhibits anger, bravado, perfectionism, and good works. Shame can claim your whole identity and it can make us hate ourselves. Guilt, in contrast, is specifically attributed, in our minds, to specific sings. It can feel like this: guilt is about what I did. Shame is about who I am.
- Looking for love in the wrong places – An abortion wounded heart makes us feel desperate for love. But it also makes us afraid to let any get too close or share in our secret. It can feel like our souls are never satisfied. Often, casual promiscuity feels easier for us.
- Expecting retribution – After an abortion, it can feel like retribution is staling us. It can feel like if we let our guard down, really enjoy something for even a moment, “it” will attack us and demand payment for what we did.
- Inability to receive forgiveness, peace, and joy – Many people who had an abortion also believe in God. We may even believe that God can forgive us. But truthfully, we suspect that God is fickle with His forgiveness. Ultimately, even if God has forgiven us, we are often convinced that we cannot forgive ourselves.
- Feeling gagged or silenced – Even the word “abortion” can feel difficult to say. If you have had an abortion and have not sought healing, it is natural for you to shy away from speaking out on issues surrounding abortion because you feel silenced by the guilt and shame that hold you captive.
If you think this might be you – take a personal assessment here.
Unfortunately, the ways that abortion wounds the heart also make it so difficult to seek true and lasting healing. We want you to know that there is real freedom, though. We can help you find it.